Having to sit through council meetings on the smoking issue should drive anyone to drink; in an odd twist, one of the anti-smoking measures may lead to smokers being driven over.

A good friend of mine who reads this column recently complimented me on its contents but then asked: Can't you ever say something nice? Or, at the very least, lighten up a bit?

It was then I knew that a vacation was needed. So this week as you read my words I'm actually on vacation. But don't worry; I'm not far from my email account and high-speed Internet connection to scan the latest headlines if the spirit so moves me off my beach chair.

So I decided to take my friend's advice and "lighten up." Instead of one lengthy written diatribe on an important subject, I offer up several shorter vignettes on a variety of issues around city hall for your reading enjoyment or to exacerbate your ulcer, it all depends.

First up, the revelation that boos, (not the kind heard at the Corel Centre last Saturday), but actual liquor is available at council meetings. No doubt, some of you were taken aback by the revelation that a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream (a personal favourite, just to be fair) was put out late on a Friday evening a few weeks back during the marathon smoking by-law debate. While it was in poor judgment, we shouldn't be shocked.

Surely there are some councilors who might have a drink or two at lunch before meetings. We shouldn't be surprised, broad cross sections of people do. The only question that serious city hall watchers should ask is why wasn't it done sooner?

Let's be blunt, if you had to sit at council and listen to Alex Cullen intervene on every subject and motion on the table, you'd be reaching for a shot of something too. And next time you have occasion to attend a council meeting, watch how many councillors reach for their coffees and drink simultaneously when Councillor Cullen speaks. Hmmm, is it just coffee they're drinking?

Now that I've slagged Alex, it's only fair to offer a compliment. If there is one councilor who reads every report from cover to cover twice, it's Alex Cullen. Not to mention his penchant (which I share) for rules of order and procedure. Indeed, Mayor Chiarelli should actually buy a book on the procedural matters that Mr. Cullen continues to raise … he's usually right.

Back to the smoking debate, I must admit I personally refrained from commenting due to a moral conflict. No doubt the big-tobacco manufacturers have earned their moniker "the merchants of death" as the scientific evidence over 50 years is irrefutable: Smoking kills, period, full stop.

However, the last time I checked, selling tobacco in Canada was perfectly legal. And the hypocrisy of senior orders of government (hello Queen's Park and Ottawa) that continue to discourage the use of tobacco on one the hand through aggressive health promotion campaigns but gladly accept billions of dollars in excise and sales taxes on the other from the proceeds of big tobacco, not to mention their income taxes, is too say the least, sickening.

By far the best commentary after the marathon of hearings and public presentations came from Mike Kennedy of Chesterville who noted the irony of anti-smoking by-law. Dr. Robert Cushman, (the medical officer of health, and a more committed public servant you will never find) and his team also want to define a zone around eating establishments and other public buildings so smokers don't crowd around the entrances to these establishments.

Fair enough. But as Mr. Kennedy pointed out, take Elgin St.for example. With restaurants galore on both sides of the street, about the only safe place for a smoker to stand would be in the middle of the road, smack dab on the yellow line. So while patio diners on a hot summer day would be safe from the inconvenience of second-hand smoke, diesel burning, smoke spewing OC (OC stands for occasional) Transpo buses will jettison their black fumes in the general vicinity of your Caesar salad. Boy that makes a lot of sense. And look out if one of those smokers should get hit by a car. Then all that exhaust from vehicles idling on Elgin St. as emergency vehicles tended to the injured smoker would infiltrate your chicken cordon bleu.

But the worst part of the zero-tolerance, no-smoking policy (which, for the record, I personally support, smoking truly is a disgusting, stupid habit … I mean why buy cigarettes, save the cost, starve the government of its tax revenue and just buy throat mucus and black lungs instead, cut out the middle man!) is the $800,000 allotted for the anti-smoking Gestapo to police bars and restaurants this fall. It is here where one is forced to ask if this a public health issue or merely a back door tax grab? Only time will tell.

Well there it is some humour, but given the serious challenges that face our city, I still couldn't help but look at a serious issue. Oh well, back to the beach and a good book.